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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
I feel like everyone has dabbled in retail at least once in their lives.
Whether it's your full-time job right now, a part-time job you had when you were 16 or something you tried once on a J1 – we've all done it.
It's trying, taxing and can be a fucking nightmare, but at the end of the day you're better for it.
Against your will.
I hate being confronted by shop assistants the second I enter a shop when I'm just browsing, so naturally I feel even worse when I have to do the confronting.
Before you've even had to the chance to greet them.
When, literally, all you're doing is saying hey.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO.
I'm not asking for your firstborn. Chill.
Spending a Saturday afternoon on the shop floor consoling a recent divorcee was most definitely not in the job description.
There's a special place in hell for people who are mean to people who work in retail.
We're just trying to get by, a day at a time.
every person should have at least some experience working in retail and the food industry so they learn ???????? how ???????? to ???????? treat ???????? workers
— yung Lan (@baabyshirt) June 17, 2016
I feel like you should be required to experience working in retail before you can yell at someone that works in retail.
— Bob (@The_Bombbitt) June 18, 2016
Do you think I was born yesterday?
That's your fake tan all over the top and no, I will not be giving you 50% off.
And you awkwardly tell them that you can't give them a refund due to the distinct stench of vodka, Red Bull and cigarette smoke from them wearing it out the night before.
Nice try though.
"Any bargains?"
You've mastered applying a full face, with just one eye open while you're still half asleep.
It's not till later that you realise you only put eyeliner on one eye. But sure it's too late now.
In the hopes that everyone and everything will just GO AWAY.
"I just have to run to the stock room, I'll be right back."
In a week.
Blending in with the mannequins is harder than you'd think when you're 5"3'.
I don't normally mind this.
Unless it's 5:59pm on a Sunday evening and you need to get the bus home before you disintegrate with tiredness.
The till is cashed up, the fitting rooms are closed, the shop doors are being locked and you want a "fresh one"?
Only for them to turn around and say "Yeah, I'll think about it".
Seriously? What's there to think about? It's a pair of socks!
Because of all the shit you put up with on a daily basis.
Which you talk about.
All the time.
A customer-free zone where you can Snapchat to your heart's content?
Spend as much time here as you possibly can.
That do not relate to your job at all. Like: "Do you know where the nearest podiatrist is?"
"Eh, let me just ask my manager."
"Does this make me look fat?"
Because you're surrounded by things to buy, 24/7.
It's like seeing your teacher out of the classroom or your doctor out of the surgery.
Badly.
Constantly.
And not even realising it.
Old habits die hard.
When you have to work on the weekends.
And it's busier than ever.
What it's like working in retail at the weekend pic.twitter.com/cqxJYzTdDj
— saffron (@saffronmirza) June 11, 2016
And it very well could be.
Confirming that Christmas is well and truly over.
Those 24 hours were good while they lasted.
And announcing at the top of your lungs, "Hello, I see you have selected our cherry red nail polish. Would you like me to bring that to the cash register for you so that you can pay?"
It's never a pleasant experience but you can't help but feel smug.
And wants to be your friend.
But at the end of the day it's a means to an end – just like every other job out there.
Suck it up.
