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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
Trinity Ball takes place tomorrow, and despite everyone being on lockdown in the library, spirits are high. Occasionally you can hear sound checks in the distance, spilling into the floors of the Ussher, and productivity is at an all time low as you all day dream about the night ahead. Considering it is the biggest event in Trinity's social calendar, we've taken it upon ourselves to draw up a definitive guide of the humans you will come across tomorrow evening...
Somewhere between pre-drinks and Front Arch poor oul Ruairí has misplaced his ticket, whether it's in the back of the taxi or the gutter is anyone's guess, but the security guard is having none of it.
Despite advice from all sides suggesting that heels should most definitely not be worn, you'll still come across a few girlos hobbling across the cobblestones in Front Square in 4-inch heels
You're guaranteed to see many of these types throughout the course of the evening - just remember if you're wise and opt for flats, make sure they're not pumps cos they slip off and disappear into the night very easily!
These guys are also known as over-eager pre-drinkers; their eyes light up at all the free booze Nuala's mammy has provided at the presesh, and wise words of pacing yourself disappear in a haze of free prosecco and brewskis. They can usually be found asleep on the couch or with their heads in the toilet by 10pm.
While everyone talks about doing it, few succeed - whether it's blagging your way in at the door, or skulking in the attic above Botany Bay for hours during campus security checks, if you bump into someone who managed to actually do so pat them on the back and buy them a drink.
John Hegarty was known to be a big fan of the ball, so chances are Paddy P will be roaming around campus on the night once things have wrapped up at the Chairman's Dinner. Bonus points if you wake up the next day with a Provost selfie on your phone - actually double points, because your phone will have made it home in one piece too.
These can be seen slumped against walls or leaning against pillars, taking a little breather from the festivities.
Generally seen herding crowds of drunks around from tent to tent, or standing shivering wearing resting bitch face in the freezing cold as drunk friends shite on to a girl that they sat beside once in a tutorial in first year.
The absolutely love some completely obscure band or DJ on the lineup and are hellbent on seeing their entire set (even if a few barriers need to be hopped!) and singing along, because obviously they know like, all the lyrics? They're also determined to meet the band, get an autograph and a hug, and potentially become godparent for the lead singer's first born child. Avoid these if at all possible.
They might have come to see loads of music, but the most they'll manage is Trinity Orchestra. They'll then remain in Front Square holding court chatting to anyone who comes their way, s'grand like - tickets didn't cost €80 or anything...
Whether you're going up to get some drink stashed earlier, or to get something warmer to wear - your bed starts to look pretty comfy and before you know it...
You misplace your mates, you've had a particularly nasty run in with your ex or you just really want pizza - no matter what, try and ride out the urge to leave the hallowed walls of Trinity because you will not be allowed back in. Chances are, once pizza's in your belly you'll want to re-enter the madness!
We don't know what they did, but at the speed security are steamrolling through campus to get them off the grounds, it must be pretty bad.
You could find them in the dance tent, or alone on a patch of grass in New Square or up by the Pomodoro sculpture moving to some faint bassline.
Arch-nemesis of die hard music fan.
Drunk, exhausted humans finally reunited with food. Euphoric scenes.
Session moths never die, and this gang are dead set on keeping her lit for as long as possible.
It may be a walk of shame, but 9 times out of 10 they probably just stayed at their bestie's house and it took them so long to recover they're only leaving now. Don't beep your car if you see them - you wouldn't want to give them a fright in their fragile state, but if you happen to walk by one salute them for they have partied hard.
Then just like that, MCD's contractors will have dismantled and scoured campus for every last bit of litter - leaving campus spick and span by Sunday afternoon, with all attendees wondering if it ever really happened..
